DR MAX PEMBERTON: Trust me, you DON’T want to win £ 184 million

We all dream of winning the lottery, right? How often have you said ‘Well, when I win the lottery …’ We look out the window and imagine what we would do with immeasurable wealth.

Last week, a single winner of the EuroMillions lottery won a staggering £ 184 million – the biggest win in the UK and the winner will become one of the 1,000 richest Britons. They are richer than Adelefor gods sake.

But even though we may all be dreaming about what we would do with such an unexpected outcome, is victory really all it could be?

I think the difference between winning is a few hundred thousand or even a few million. It is enough to pay off debts, place your children in homes and treat your friends.

You will live a comfortable life, but things don’t have to change significantly unless you want to. You can still live in your own home and only occasionally buy a new car.

But these megamillion-dollar victories are something else entirely. We might be envious of their victory, but huge sums like this one actually come with their own problems.

A look at how the winners perform over the years shows what kind of tax this money can take.

Divorce, depression, alcoholism, drug addiction and family quarrels abound. A few years ago, I had a patient who won a lot in the lottery – not quite 184 million pounds, but still a life-changing sum. It definitely changed her life – not for the better, but for the worse.

When I listened to it, I realized that making money is very different from making money. The rich people who built the business, for example, sacrificed themselves in doing so and then figured out how to live with increased wealth as money started coming in. There is at least a feeling that you have worked hard for your money and therefore deserve it.

Of course, we all know that this is not necessarily the case – there are many people who work incredibly hard for little financial return – but the idea still exists: money is a reward for the work you put in.

Getting a large amount is not the same. It creates a division between you and your existing friends and family. Those around you feel that you don’t really deserve this more than they do, and they feel brave to ask you to deduct things from them.

This happened to my patient. Suddenly, she was overwhelmed with requests for financial help from anyone and everyone.

People she only knew vaguely felt capable of asking for money in a way they would never have done if she had earned it. In the end, she handed out a lot to these scroungers, and when she refused, she was furious. How dare she say no when she had so much!

What’s more, people who win a lot in the lottery suddenly catapult into another world they haven’t had time to get used to.

Overnight, they become a dinner lady or a mechanic – who have unusual treats, plan a budget, save and work end-to-end – in that they will never have to work again. This is incredibly disturbing.

My patient’s victory turned her life upside down because even though she enjoyed her work, she didn’t love it enough to continue doing it.

She packed it up and quickly realized she didn’t know what to do with her time. She had no routine or structure.

People who earn a lot of money have time to get used to their wealth. They will meet some new friends who have a similar level of wealth. They are gradually changing spending patterns: where they eat, what they spend their money on, and so on.

Someone who wins the lottery overnight is faced with the choice of radically changing their lives – which they might be very happy with – or sitting on their money and not really spending it, which people around them then resent because they feel they are wasting their happiness.

My patient felt so confused and lost with her newly discovered wealth that she started drinking. She made stupid investments and gave a lot of it.

In a few years, she found herself almost back where she was before – only to lose some friends along the way and end up depressed and suffering from drinking problems.

Even though I hear her story, sometimes I think about what I would do if I won the lottery, but I also remember that I have to be extremely careful about what I want.

Why Kate should stick to using HRH

The Duke and Duchess of Cambria want to be known by their names, without titles, to look more accessible after a tough March tour of the Caribbean. I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Although you could call them ‘Wills and Kate’, meeting them is great for people and the use of titles confirms that. Sometimes we need a little pomp and circumstance; formality is not always a bad thing. I think a little distance can help. There has been a similar shift in medicine, with doctors using their names and also calling patients by name. That makes me uncomfortable. For example, when you have an intimate examination, using a last name helps maintain distance. It may be old-fashioned, but I like to call patients by last name. It expresses respect and maintains an appropriate emotional detachment. We should not confuse the concern for intimacy.

Implementing IVF can be stressful enough, with no chance of losing your job due to free time for visits. But, as this document revealed, this is the reality. Tory MP Nickie Aiken has launched a campaign to provide legal protection for women to attend meetings. I hope it is a success.

• A study published this month found that only one in 60 lunches for children on the road is nutritionally ‘healthy’. How awful, especially considering another study that showed that a healthy adult lifestyle is less important for preventing heart disease than childhood nutrition. Is this certainly more evidence that childhood obesity should be taken seriously? It’s really not hard to learn how to prepare a healthy lunch for the road – or keep treats to a minimum. There are even NHS guidelines that parents can follow if they are trying to put the ingredients of a balanced diet in a lunch box. Those who reject this are supposed to be ashamed.

DR MAX TRANSCRIPT …

GOOD LISTENER

We are often told that it is good to speak, but even that requires a good listener. A recent study showed how strong it really is when someone lets you tilt their ear when you need it. Individuals in their 40s and 50s who did not have access to good listeners had a cognitive age that was four years older than those they had. We are not all blessed with partners or friends who have the time and skills to be a good listener. In these cases, counseling can really help you when you need to get things done.