Bloods, review: Paramedic comedy needs a kiss of life

Is Peter Davison typecast as a doctor? Not only did he play the fifth incarnation of the Time Lord in Doctor Who but he wielded a stethoscope in Heartbeat, Life, Distant Shores and A Very Peculiar Practice. At least as Tristan Farnon v All creatures great and small, he preferred to treat animals rather than people. Now he has answered Blood (Sky Comedy) as a brain surgeon. Many more of these applications and he will qualify for a prescription deposit.

The Sirens series returns with the mismatched team of paramedics Wendy (Jane Horrocks) and Maleek (Samson Kayo) on duty at a Crystal Palace football match. While Wendy shocked fans with her hushed chants, Maleek waged psychological warfare against the hostile caretaker. Both were worried about the impending inquest into their misdiagnosis of a heart attack victim who was now in a coma – potentially “career-ending”.

Warehouse boss Jo (Lucy Punch, who trades her lilting motherland tone for a nasal moan) drowns her sorrows after colleague Lawrence (Julian Barratt) rejects her promotion. In another subplot, Gary (Adrian Scarborough) and Kareshma (Aasiya Shah) took revenge on a prejudiced patient. This prompted some sharp gags about liberal hand-wringing and white savior syndrome. As Gary “knelt in support”, Kareshma checked her phone and blurted out: “Oh my God, BBC News says racism has just ended.”

Extensive talents stand-up Sam Campbell, who won the Edinburgh Comedy Award last week, were wasted in a minor role. Instead, Barratt hijacked the best lines. “Maybe I took Jo for granted,” he mused. “Like an onion. You don’t really notice the onion, but take it away and what can you cook? Nothing.”

Unfortunately, the strong cast couldn’t mask the average script. You’ll find the ultimate gallows humor in the BBC’s real-life equivalent of Ambulance. There was the odd decent joke, but overall the characters were poorly drawn. Bloods felt like a series of disjointed scenes rather than a coherent vision. Stand away. Someone needs to shock this patient back to life.