Can’t say no? Simple but effective tips on how to stop being a people pleaser

Can’t say no? Do you want everyone in the room to like you? No one should humiliate you in public, right? It’s hard for you to openly disagree with others, even though deep down you know you do! If we’ve just defined you, then there’s a good chance you’re a people pleaser. And like most people pleasers, you hate this song – ‘Kuch toh log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna!’.

Have you been a people pleaser without even realizing it? Then here are some reasons why you might be a people pleaser and how to change it.

Common reasons why you might be a people pleaser

There are countless reasons why you feel the need to make everyone happy. However, these three reasons are the most common.

1. You want to tune in

This is an unconscious attempt make friends with people who are not like you or do not like you. You try to camouflage yourself by being like them.

2. Fear rejection

A recent study found that rejection is the second most frightening thing to humans, after snakes. You just can’t take rejection. The thought of someone leaving you or screwing up because of you gets under your skin. You think that by pleasing everyone, you will prevent everyone from loving you. You can’t say no because you can’t accept it.

3. You seek validation

Your idea of ​​who you are is based on how much people love you and how much they love you. Even one person you don’t like makes you uncomfortable.

How to stop pleasing people?

Here are some ways to stop pleasing people without being rude:

1. Draw mind maps before making any decision

Emotions can be tricky! You may impulsively and without thinking say – yes. This is where you need to learn how to make a quick mind map before making any decisions. Briefly write the problem in the middle. Make at least four branches and try to find at least 2 reasons why you should say yes and 2 reasons why you should say no.

2. Create a private “wall of fame”

Find one private wall or drawer where you collect all your achievements. It’s not for anyone else. Just for you. A hungry man who lacks food may despair of food. However, if a person is well fed, then he can walk away from food. Similarly, when you know privately (in your heart) that you are amazing at extraordinary things, you they don’t seek validation from every person you meet.

3. Practice saying no to the little things

Most people pleasers don’t know how to disagree without losing that person. They get so caught up in trying to please someone else that they forget who they want to be. Practice saying no to trivial things. Politely say no to borrowing a book or waiting for someone after hours. Say no as your small victory.