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A clinical psychologist has revealed the most common phrases narcissists use to manipulate others – especially when it comes to their relationships.
Perpetua Neo, from Singaporeclaims that all narcissists they operate with similar methods, so the tactics they use to wind up their targets are often the same.
“It’s like they’re reading from the same manual, even though no one is giving them that manual,” she said Insider. ‘They are programmed almost the same.’
All people have narcissistic traits to some degree, but it is estimated that about one in 200 people in the United States has narcissistic personality disorder.

Perpetua Neo from Singapore revealed the tactics used by narcissists to move their targets


Perpetua, who works with victims of narcissistic abuse, has identified phrases that should trigger the alarm in the three main stages of emotional abuse.
It is also important to note that there are large gender differences when it comes to the prevalence of the disease.
Studies show that about 75 percent of diagnoses are among men recent numbers.
Perpetua, who collaborates with victims of narcissistic abuseidentified phrases that should sound the alarm in the three main stages of an emotionally abusive relationship—the idealization stage, the devaluation stage, and the rejection stage.
1. Idealization Phase: Beware of “love bombing” in the early stages
Love bombing is when someone showers their new partner with romantic gestures and artfully paints a picture of the beautiful future they intend to share, often after only knowing each other for weeks or even days.
Perpetua said: ‘Anyone who tries to do it too soon is basically pushing intimacy forward, and that’s bad news.
‘Anyone who has to do that suggests they’re doing something a little creepy.’
She said that relationships with narcissists will move very quickly.
Perpetua shared that these are phrases that should set off alarm bells if uttered in the first few weeks of a new relationship:
- ‘You are my soul mate.’
- ‘I’ve never met anyone like you before.’
- ‘You understand me much better than anyone else.’
- ‘That we met is fate.’
- ‘I’ve never felt this for anyone before.’
- ‘Am I your only friend? You are my only friend.’
- ‘We don’t need anyone else.’
- ‘You are so kind, creative, smart, beautiful and perfect.’
- ‘We’ll be together forever.’
2. Devaluing Level: The Narcissist’s true self will begin to emerge once the victim is addicted
Those in relationships with narcissists should be prepared for the honeymoon to be short-lived.
Insults and criticism will soon be introduced, but will be seamlessly interwoven with compliments to convince their victim that the relationship is still worth having.
The abuser still wants to keep his partner on the sidelines, but will make moves to undermine him, thereby reducing his confidence and self-esteem.

The abuser still wants to keep his partner, but will undermine him during the devaluation phase (photo)
As a result, this will eventually cause their significant others to think that any wrongdoing is their own fault.
The perpetrator will play to their own advantage and take every opportunity to exploit their perceived superiority and undermine the other person, keeping them in a constant state of stress.
Red flag phrases during this time include, but are not limited to:
- ‘You’re crazy.’
- ‘You’re too sensitive.’
- ‘No wonder nobody else likes you.’
- ‘My friends hate you but I always defend you and have your back.’
- ‘You’re so insecure.’
- ‘What’s wrong with you?’
- ‘Am I not more important to you than your friends?’
- ‘Your tears will not work on me. Why are you crying?’
- ‘You are so manipulative.’
Another key sign will be that narcissists will try to devalue anything their victim likes, including their hobbies, interests, and even friends.
But if they are called out during this phase, they will usually explain their behavior by deflecting and instead making a third party their scapegoat.
In these moments, they will often default to being the victim, claiming that any inappropriate behavior is a result of how they were treated in the past by their parents or exes.
3. Dropout rate: The perpetrator will probably get tired of bothering his victim
It is during this final stage that the narcissist’s insults will be at their worst.
If you are preparing to end the relationship, you will probably play a game at the last minute and emerge from the emotional wreckage as a winner.
Some of the most shocking phrases in this case will be:
- ‘Everybody hates you.’
- ‘You are a bad person.’
- ‘No one else will ever love you.’
- ‘I’m the best you’ll ever have.’
- ‘Have fun being alone for the rest of your life.’
- ‘You did this to yourself.’
Thinking about it, Perpetua said that the only way to truly break free from a narcissist is to leave for good.
Otherwise, “they just keep you on your toes and bend back even more like a dancing monkey,” she said.
‘And nothing will ever change – things will only get worse.’
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